Dearest New York City,
In June of 2000 I landed left foot first into Manhattan – it had to be the left foot, the right leg had minor surgery two days before! Six months ago I did the same in California, both feet solidly on the ground. No this is not about database tools. Every week I do my best to make sure I keep in touch with those that over eights years became family. My beloved community that made my life possible and to some extent cursed themselves – they gave me the strength to leave. Leaving New York was simply the most difficult leap of faith I have taken yet in my life. Has it paid off? I’ve learned more about myself as a person in the last 6 months than I think I could have in a lifetime living in the Upper West Side of Manhattan.
Do I miss New York City? Manhattan…Upper West Side, Central Park, yes I do.
This week I was sad, but for the oddest reason. One of the greatest pleasures I ever had in New York was after a big snow storm, a blizzard….a falling snow. I loved to walk into Central Park, find my way via slush and snow to the Great Lawn. There was nothing on earth which brought me more peace and serenity than that moment. It was always a moment that made me feel as if there was nothing in the world – no war, no poverty, not hunger or anger. There was no or fury, just the blanket of snow before me and the sound of the wind whistling through my ears.
Do I miss NYC? The problem is that living here in San Francisco I am able to feel that peace which falling snow gave me on a daily basis here in California. I don’t know why, maybe it’s the cynic in, I feel guilty.
I do miss you. I miss the community that gave me life, love, energy and forgiveness. You, and you alone, that which will always remain nameless. The organizations that worked tirelessly to get the young professionals in the door, to help the sick, to care for the homeless or whatever made it possible to have sanity living on that island. Those that wanted to help Israeli and Palestinian children get cancer treatment… those which took down political and racial walls and were saying YES WE CAN, way before the Obama craze hit. You were full of passion, full of “screw that, I’m doing it my way.” No holds barred, kick ass and take names later way of life. THAT…that I miss and need.
The world sees the Big Apple as 10 million angry, grumpy, grouchy and bitter people. Well no offense, a lot of you were pretty bitchy on cold days – and I was the biggest prick of them all on some. There WAS a reason people called me Napoleon. So, you, we are – you are, look we all are – you think everyone in San Fran is sunshine and lollipops, dancing hippies and flowers in their hair – get the fuck outta here.
New York, you know that humanity lives outside and off that island. That when the shit DOES hit the fan, your friends are your family and there is no limit to the resources they bring to your life.
My holiday wish to New York City is simply, if you feel the need to be a grouchy bitch – do it with some flare. The holiday times in New York City were usually COLD, sometimes WET – but always full of love, of life. It was full of the pleasures that made us quiet and understand that there was good in the world. That all 5 boroughs are one in the same – grouchy sons of bitches who love one another no matter what.
I wish upon that city which will always be true to my heart the most peaceful, healthy and joyous of holidays, be that Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanzaa, Festivus – call it a crap shoot, maybe all of them!
And for the love of Peter, there is WAY to much wine for me to drink out here, so buy a freakin plane ticket and come visit my ass – we’ll bike the first 10 miles, hike the next 10 and drive our Hybrids the rest of the way to the wineries.
Peace, Michael
